i solemnly swear that I am up to know good
Wednesday, January 1, 2014 @ 1/01/2014 10:52:00 PM
I came into my 20s just like how I left my teens. Sarcastic, persistent and
I think it's great that I am finally 21. I always wanted to be 21. Now that I've reached this milestone, I want to take the opportunity to thank everyone that helped me so far, stayed with me and looked after me. (Feels like Oscars)
Take a look at my 16 year old self in this post here.
And then here is something I wrote in the past to myself at 21.
Ok I am going to take some quotes out from there:
"if you are still single but if you still have awesome friends then its alright!"
"Your driving skills are extremely heightened plus you have learn to appreciate James Joyce and get over your crush of Ryan Gosling."
"Only 2 years have passed but don't forget that when you were 19 you wasted almost a year restudying so slap yourself a 100 times if you are not fantastic by now."
Now I don't think I am fantastic, I am still NOT 48kg but I'm happy and thankful so maybe just 20 slaps? I cannot appreciate James Joyce (still) and I don't feel anyway rich :( I do agree that I am in my pinnacle of being diligent about work and relationships. I start trying to put myself out there and meet people with sincerity. I study hard on things that I have an interest in. I do my best to maintain and put in effort to meet with my current friends and spend plenty of quality time with my family.
I think I deserve a pat on my back for all I've done. *pats oneself*
I also feel that I started 2014 on a good note because I managed to get a module that I wanted and an internship which I applied for. Both involved submitting writings of some sorts so I'm glad that my portfolio was deemed suitable. It's one thing to think that my writing ain't too bad and another when others agree with it. (Although I can be self-deluded and egoistic enough to think that I'm a genius sometimes hahahaha but then succumb to low self-esteem the next minute by cringing at my own poor cheesy lines right after.)
I plan on taking two business modules as well next semester and hopefully I am able to bid well enough for them. I do agree with my 17 year old self that I have gained some form of clarity and I am so grateful for all the people around me that helped me reached this state of critical awareness.
Most of you don't even realize this yourself but it is true, your existence no matter how minuscule, has made an impact to me. It's funny because we live our lives through the lens of our own. We can be only sure of our own constructed reality. We think that Things Happen To Us. Our experiences are ours alone. So just as I am grateful for what you've done, you probably aren't sure what exactly is it that you've did and vice versa.
Ok I think if you read David Foster Wallace speech on "This is Water" he can explain it better....
Moving on to my fears and goals. The two of them are intrinsically linked. My fears hinge on my inability to achieve these goals as I become fully 21.
1. Finish what I started.
2. Lose weight.
3. Begin building up my portfolio.
I am also worried of losing my confidence. I know very well about life's twists and turns. Each time I am so sure of something (like now), another will happen and change things drastically so much so that I will begin to doubt myself AGAIN.
So as many people around the world are welcoming 2014, I welcome turning 21 and hereby accept all the responsibility and joy that come with it. (Feels like marriage vows).
To those reading this blog still, thanks for not being irritated with me all this while. I read my own archives and cannot stand myself. How did you do it?