Wednesday, November 27, 2013 @ 11/27/2013 10:12:00 PM
Sometimes, I wonder if the friends you meet in your life are merely characters, walking through your performance to play a certain role.
You meet them, get to know them and then they leave. But you are nonetheless- irreversibly altered and yet how? Only a handful touches your heart at the very most- then what about the rest? They disappear, fading and resume to live their own destinies, their own stories. I become someone's secondary character in their narrative.
In fact, more often you realized that once they're gone, you revert back to the same being, the same square, the same self.
Or do you? I really don't know. Or is friendship only an exchange of attention? A display of love for love, an act of being human? They say the best of friends are those that stick with you through thick and thin but I haven't really got any of those kind...I think at least for now?
I used to prize friendship so much when I was younger (I still do!), when my heart was bigger and my mind was fresher. Friends are like April's breeze. They keep you cool in sweltering hot weathers. But now as I aged and my heart grew stiffer, my mind slightly wiser I seem to have make less attempts to reach out for others and every day I see how far my youthful efforts made in the past have failed me.
I would never say I'm still in contact with any of primary school friends. I would never say I'm close to any of my secondary school friends. I used to, at least until they died.Some of them were killed by me. While a few, tried to kill me. The rest of them are still too Busy.
So that's 10 years gone! I know true friendship still exists but its definitely harder to find and even harder to MAINTAIN . I can't believe I feel old enough to say this.
Ah! Blessed memory! I'm feeling extremely melancholic.
(This post needs some explanation: I saw someone I met when I was thirteen at the train station and another person I met when I was ten while I was on my way to the bus stop. They remembered my name (both indians) yet I forgot theirs. We smiled and talk for quite a while. I was shocked that my first thought wasn't about my own life compared to theirs but I was genuinely interested to know them again. C'mon like anyone wouldn't be secretly comparing most of the time... I know I do that for people I loathed (I tend to see people I hate maybe because hatred makes me remember them) but for these semi-strangers, my own kind thoughts caught me by surprise.
Also, I think it felt really cinematic and symbolic due to the fact that I saw them both at sections of the transport systems. It's like we are moving in our own separate pathways and I knew that all along. And yet we meet to say hello in order to move on. The train is coming, the tracks are set, the road appears uncertain but we will get there in the end.
A third encounter nevermore. It's nice and comforting to know people recognizes me and called my name. Plus that was before I had a fake name! HAHAHA :D ok I need to stop calling my Christian name a fake name...)
Actually, you know now that I think about it, the acting Busy ones are the worst. Hatred at the very least, is a strong emotion. Those who simply not put in effort at all just makes you feel plain insignificant. Like all those time spend together were only bubbles.