My life is as dead as this blog.





No kidding. I wanted to blog actually some time ago about the SMU open house I went with Chairman Lee. It was one of the most depressing days I ever had.

As if my future weren't uncertain enough, we went to SMU but only got even more bemused after hearing the admission talk (mostly this business guy in charge of the booth in his dead pan voice tried to tell us how exciting SMU is lol)

Then we gave up on hearing the lectures because Chairman said that it was pointless and mainly just the university courses trying to sell themselves. Reality and the Image were two different thing.

And then we thought how about go catch a movie? Great idea! Let's watch something action packed or sounds remotely exciting. How about:


Esther cried like 5 times and me 2 times throughout the entire movie. Heck I rarely even cry. HOW DOES EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE sounds sad you tell me?! It felt like an action packed movie with a kid for the poster. Right?

WRONG. I only knew it was about 9/11 and a bit Oscar-ish while the book didn't appealed to me on the shelves. Esther only wanted to watch it because she said it looked "indie".

Ha! Looking back now it is kind of funny but hell the movie was like super emotional. Everyone in the theatre was sobbing I swear! Even the two grown men behind me!

So much for wanting to boost our spirits. I then headed home with a heavy heart and as if life cannot get sadder enough I saw an unforgettable old lady while having a late dinner. I don't know what is it about me that makes me notice old people but it is as comforting and discomforting at the same time.

I remembered distinctively even until now, the look on her face, the three plastic bags, one red two white and how she was semi-sleeping at the hawker centre's chair. Her body was crouching almost to a 90 degrees angle and she simply looked and felt homeless to me. Her eyes I recalled so vividly seems to stare at me unmoving as I walked by. We didn't interact at all just eye contact and yet for just 3 seconds I felt her and in some magical way I think she felt me. Both of us seemed sad in a repressive sort of manner.

I like to wonder who are her children or if she is kicked out of her house. Or if she has no money or if she simply hates to go home. The last thought kills me to think about it. Even to a complete stranger like her, I wanted to console her or give her money, but I could only walked away. Her eyes followed me a distance and before I left, I gave her some sort of faint smile but I doubt she could see it though.

I left home to stay at my Grandma's house two days later. Needed some time to be normal, get back life and recollect thoughts. I didn't do badly enough for a retake nor extremely well to enter the university course of my choice. Now what? I am considering life as a private candidate.

Detour. The Game of Life is about to start :D I dont feel particularly optimistic nor pessimistic about anything for to quote someone "Everything happens for a cause" right now I feel young.