To be honest there is nothing much about me worth knowing. I live in an island, enjoys being a photographer at times and dance like no one else business. Thats all. I can't think what to write for now so it just stays like this. Welcome to the little life of mine and lets try not to get utterly bored, shall we?


We're all mad here

my 17 yr old letter to myself
Thursday, March 29, 2012 @ 3/29/2012 12:31:00 PM

I was packing some of my stuff not long ago since (yes I'm going to say it) to retake and guess what I found?!

*shock horror*

A letter I wrote when I was 17 years old to myself!! Can you believe how idiotic I am just 2 years ago? I cannot believe my own actions sometimes!! *proceed to slap myself* It was a rude awakening to see 17 yr old me perceiving 19 yr old me. 17 year old Yingli is so disappointed. Sigh.

Ok it wasn't technically a letter but some sort of note I scribbled on my school diary during a very boring Economics Lecture...

Here how it goes:

I cannot wait to get out of this place! By 19, I am so going to rock the world! Yingli you should be able to drive and can pick up Shimin and Jiayue to eat famous Yong Tau Foo at Henderson. Plus you are going to be less muddled about your career options or at least you know you DON'T want to endure anymore of this shit :D I think your weight should now be 48kg and reconsider having a nose job please don't be scared! After "A"s go guy-hunting! And reminder to self: read Hemingway before that and travel. Also, don't take any more 186 buses if possible. Gah when will this Econs lecture end! Looking forward to lit after that whoo!

And then I ended the notes with a bunch of DD/SS curves.

Here's what I feel NOW after re-reading the note:

I cannot wait to get out of this place!(By that I mean not only the lecture theatre but college as a whole) By 19, I am so going to rock the world! (How lame can I get please 17 yr old me is so naive that's 19 yr old me talking *high five*) Yingli you should be able to drive and can pick up Shimin and Jiayue to eat famous Yong Tau Foo at Henderson.(Sian I'm so lazy these days to go BBDC not to mention successfully drive) Plus you are going to be less muddled about your career options or at least you know you DON'T want to endure anymore of this shit :D (I NEVER felt more muddled than before!) I think your weight should now be 48kg  (FUCK!)  and reconsider having a nose job (Sorry I take back my vulgarities but why was I so shallow!?!? The weight thing was seriously holy crap I hate myself now...)please don't be scared! After "A"s go guy-hunting!( I am still single and lonely hahahaha oh man this is damn depressing as I type this I feel like dying nothing above came true!! plus I don't even want to look for guys now because I need to retake WTF!) And reminder to self: read Hemingway before that and travel. (yeah well this part did came true phew! Trying to convince myself that I am not a failure after all and yeah 17yr old yingli, be proud of that!!) Also, don't take anymore 186 buses if possible. (still taking and now medicated oil is stronger than ever!!)  Gah when will this Econs lecture end! Looking forward to lit after that whoo! (the signs were always there)

Sigh even though it was a very small note, I felt like it held a fragment of myself and that I am such a disappointment. Really. I accomplish nothing that younger me had hoped for and now *glass shattering sound* I've did nothing. What a loser! *Sobs* omg I'm PMSing now....why am I even crying!? And I'm scared of pain (refers to nose job)!

Life is probably mocking me now. If time travel exist, I wish the lecturer spotted me back then, not paying attention and went to kick-ass me before I wrote anything. It was like Marshall when he realize that he wanted to be an environmentalist and yet he went to get a corporate job...sorry random HIMYM moment here but c'mon it really felt like that!

Ahem. I think I want to crawl into a dark hole and die. Ok, no way! Fight or flight situation, I chose fight!

Fight because 19 yr old me now, is going to hereby write a note to 21 yr old me! Fight because its stupid to let unwise 17 yr old me affect me so much when I did so many other awesome things. Fight because I don't want to do worse, I want to do better. Fight because I feel brave.( No actually, you feel a mixture of feelings now that you are losing blood, your hormones are playing you.. shuddup inner voice!)

Dear yingli,

As you read this letter, you are finally 21 years old!! Wohoo! There should be clarity now that you have become well, ahem 21, and it should be you at your greatest state of hard-workingness. Its alright if you are still single if you still have awesome friends like you know your your awesome friends then its alright! But if shimin/zoey dates before you go kill yourself.... ok a little too harsh. You can always drink. Anyway, please dont be a bitch and remember to keep in contact with them. Hopefully you earn more than Esther  ok still being a bitch here but haha you know you are happy with your current financial status.

Your driving skills are extremely heightened plus you have learn to appreciate James Joyce and get over your crush of Ryan Gosling. Yes, it is lame but admit it, when you are 19, you were still fangirling over him.... along with Andy Lau and Johnny Depp damn maybe you should seek help.

Back to being serious. You still like writing and reading because deep down you know one day you want NY bestselller at the front of your name plus you don't give up on running because this is how you are going to maintain your 48kg! I know this sounds like a lot of pressure but don't settle. Reform not conform! 19yr old you maybe, dont let time take away your ...whatever makes you you. I think you still give tuition to Alastair and remember to visit your grandma often. You probably have travelled alone by now, and hopefully aim to visit Paris or if money is tight, try fishing instead. If you have a boyfriend, he BETTER not be younger than you and also don't fall in love with his money. Don't forget who you truly are and pray not just when you are in need. Only 2 years have passed but don't forget that when you were 19 you wasted almost a year restudying so slap yourself a 100 times if you are not fantastic by now.

P.S: If possible try not to live with Mummy and Papa soon because they probably see you as a burden hahaha and yes you are!Try renting with a friend this will be damn pro since Sg's property prices will be above sky high by then so if you succeed in this, you can nullify 3 things you didnt do above!! HAHA some leeway for self.

As usual, I am not optimistic about this in fact, I bet i cannot even do 80% of the things above but oh well, at least I know 19 yr old me aspired once. Wait come to thing about it, this blog might not even exist.