I met up with Cassandra Chua today from my P6 Years it was nice to chat :) However she was super quiet. So all thanks to my "fake it till you make it" attitude, we lasted the whole day well. It was rather symbolic today too to go out with her as it was the day in which other 12 years old around Singapore receive their results for the PSLE. Hmm I wonder... 4 years ago I was like them too.. oooh the memories. :))) I have aged. The topics we talk about are extremely random however it did start me thinking....what do I want to be next time?

You see, she too was almost certain of her future already and that left me speechless. Just like Dodobird and many others their destinies are like waiting out there for them to fulfill.

WHAT IS MINE DESTINY? WHO AM I ? :D Alas, I do not know. Shall be reckless or shall I be reserved I am not sure.

Sometimes I think its not fair that roles are forced onto us. Family commitment, friends expectations, society norms. WHAT ABOUT MY OWN!!? ROAR!

At home, I am the responsible, honest and smart one as compared to my relatives. I admit my parents especially my father is extremely proud of that fact. Thus I am like that at home, the strong and silent kind, behaving overly strict towards my sister because to be honest, I feel like my mother obviously spoils her. I barely talk much and it was because of the birth of my younger sister then did I became more willing to interact with my family. She talks, I follow. Wild, reckless, talkative yet smarter in certain ways. (like winning me in arcade games and stuff- she even learn swimming faster than I did) my sister I think was far more likable.

In school, I have an alter ego which is the yingli that most people know me as :D. I talk loudly and a lot, willing to come up with ideas and basically play with anyone. I believe I took up this form because I am sick of being the "me" I am at home. Always the goody two shoes as my relatives/families sees me as, I prefer to be impulsive and whimsical, behaving rather erratically instead :D:D.

I wonder why is it that I'm naturally drawn to quieter people I think its because the quiet people are who I wished I could become, a little more restrained and yet polite and well behaved. People who are quiet feels more mysterious doesn't it?

I see many people in my 16 years of life; lets call them friend A and B and C. And their future seemed to draw parallels to my own as I determine which path to take.

Friend A is my senior, she graduated and gotten a degree in Accounting from NUS. She earns a decent income, enough to go on holidays ( Thailand, HongKong, Taiwain ) each time. She is in her mid twenties, dating and according to her extremely crazy in work. However, she does not know if she is enjoying her current status and wishes to change occupation.

Friend B is leading a hedonistic life. She has changed countless of boyfriends and is extremely contented with the way she lead her life. Her parents are financially rich so she sees no problem in getting any decent job any time. She is talented yet not very hardworking representing Singapore as a dancer, I must admit she is quite a looker. However, I think that she too wants to one day shine brightly as a superstar or tai tai.

Friend C is fierce. And I mean super fierce. Her parents are in another country and she fights very hard for everything. Her grades are top nought and basically hoping for a continuous scholarship to pursue her endless studies. She knows exactly what she wants to be and what she will become, being very serious that even I feel intimidated by her presence at times.

Now obviously all of them would ultimately die in the end, its just the matter of how they lead their lives. As I am now, I see myself in Friend A's position the most as I think of her as an idealistic model for myself next time. I am not envious of Friend B's life because I think that even if her life did last long, it is not suited for me. Perhaps I have not have a taste of it yet. But even then, I would be disappointed at myself. Friend C's life is something I might be able to achieve if I work really hard. This way I would be fulfilling all the expectations around me: family, friends, society. I will be a useful citizen.

Yet the question still remains: will I be happy?