I just took the longest shower in my life.
To wash off the numbness to be exact.
It wasn't exactly helpful though.

:(

After gettting my results, it somewhat felt like my horrors are back. All the past mistakes I made somehow or another just piled up even more. The fiasco in Chemistry Practical, English O levels Oral- the lack of eye contact.... Nowadays, I commonly find myself to be thinking that I've done a rather good job, but it turns out to be the complete opposite. I am fearful of almost everything I do. The built up confidence apparantly disappeared. :(

This is an emo post. ( the moment I typed that line I LOL.) I never felt like an emo person though. Just insecured. Oddly I don't feel any of the saddness others experinced. Perhaps it haven't sink in yet or maybe its just me. I am naturally against scenes like crying in public. In fact I've never done that since 8 years old.

Right this is an out of body experince. A rather unpleasant one in fact. Please don't try consoling me I am honestly ok! :D My parent- my mother to be exact ( I miss my father really alot in such times but I dont want to see his disappointed face although he swears he isn't, I'm quite good at reading faces and eyes.) are fairly more optimistic. The cheery faces makes the feeling surreal and ironic though lol.

On a side note : I would try to feel happy for people who did well! Especially ester and chairman haha :) they deserved it. Congratulations! It was WOW.