throughthelookingglass
about
To be honest there is nothing much about me worth knowing. I live in an island, enjoys being a photographer at times and dance like no one else business. Thats all. I can't think what to write for now so it just stays like this. Welcome to the little life of mine and lets try not to get utterly bored, shall we?

archives


We're all mad here


Sunday, October 5, 2014 @ 10/05/2014 12:38:00 PM

These days I'm getting a sense that there is something inherently wrong in the world and it fucking hurts me to know that I can't do a single thing about it. Air Strikes in Syria, Protests in HongKong and Whatever Happened in Hong Lim Park.

I feel so helpless. And drained. Because on top of all this happening outside the world, I'm living in my own bubble, rushing assignments, meeting people, doing my stuff and I just wish I just wish there is something I can do more. Like I dont even know what I can do and I feel so useless and yet at the same time knowledge of so much sufferings out there makes me feel even more propelled to be less useless in whatever ways I can. I think it is just me. I always have a tendency to cry when I read newspapers. I have no idea WTF man. 

The mess in Syria is just so darn confusing too because it seems to start way back in 2001 (?!) and there is so much conflicting news out there and so much news in general... I can't even process. I just know that there is something fundamentally wrong and I don't even know who is right and who is wrong and sometimes I'm just like screw that I dont even care who is right and who is wrong. Then I open up Facebook to cheer myself up and I get an even greater flood of information in one endless page....and I see my playwriting tutor getting married and I feel like all is not lost in humanity. 

I'm suppose to be reading The Mills on the Floss now or Frankenstein. Instead, I am reading Lana Del Ray's think pieces. Any recommendation of music? 

They say I'm too young to love you,
they say I'm too dumb to see
They judge me like a picture book
By the colours like they forgot to read

I think we're like fire and water
I think we're like the wind and sea
You're burning up and I'm cooling down
You're up I'm down. 

Brooklyn Baby - Lana Del Ray 

I love this song from her but I think the artist has serious issues to resolve. On NYT music critic describes her as "campy" and I totally agree. I'm totally following taylor swift's tumblr as well and am considering to abandon Blogger for Tumblr. Just an errant thought. 

Oranges Are not the Only Fruit turns out to be quite touching on the second reading. I died for all my mid terms and the future looks bleak. My literature MCQ had 8 options and some of the answers were "dr a made it up to torture us" which I regret to say, I selected this option as an answer because I utterly have not a single clue what options a-g were about. 

1. 3000 word essay (start soon or die when the month ends) 
2. 2 group projects (love of my life stop asking me to lie) 
3. 1 more mid term in two weeks time. 

C recently started dating and I am so thrilled for her. I honestly thought I will be even a tiniest bit sad for myself or something but for that friend she really deserves it and I'm glad she found love :D things like this cheers me up a lot. 

Happy Sunday everyone :) 
back to the top

list of fears
Saturday, September 27, 2014 @ 9/27/2014 11:03:00 PM

Today, a friend of mine asked me, 'why are the fonts in your computer's screen so large'.

I told her I fear I am going blind.

It is true -to say the very least- that I am certain of this and that it is very real. At the rate that I am using my smartphone, laptop and iPad, I don't dare to think what can happen to my eyes. I fear losing my sense of sight. I think this is largely link to the fact that it means I won't be able to read anymore and that is unbearable to contemplate. It also means that I won't be able to appreciate Nature's majestic sceneries and that is also extremely heartbreaking for me.

Here is a list of fears I've discovered about myself:

1. Fear of immediate family dying.
2. Fear of doing incomplete work. That is, planning to do something and never accomplishing it only to regret forever in life.
3. Fear of going blind.
4. Fear of dying alone. I am actually surprised that this is ranked number four but I think blindness outweigh singlehood and a life filled with regret outweighs blindness and so on...

Of course, there are other fears which have not been discovered yet nonetheless, those mentioned above are good enough to keep me fearful for some time. I think it is good to keep a record and use it to scare yourself so you can be mentally prepared to combat them should the situation arises.

I think I should stop being neurotic and get back to work. Did I mention that this week turned out to be a "die week" for me? The "doing" part somehow just crumbled into dusts.
back to the top

Wednesday, September 24, 2014 @ 9/24/2014 08:59:00 PM

HAHA IT RAIN AND I HAPPEN TO BE READING POETRY EVEN IF IT IS ONLY A WHILE LOL 

ON second thoughts, 
I'mma blast that Lana Del Ray instead. 
back to the top

Tuesday, September 23, 2014 @ 9/23/2014 11:11:00 AM

So....I think this week is a do or die week for me. 

Things to read: 
- Bronte's Villette
- Walpoe's Castle of Otranto
- Winterson's Oranges 
- Eliot's Mills on Floss
- New Media's readings 

Things to do: 
- 6 page essay with no question
- Prepare for MCQ test on Romantic Poetry. Past year average score is (3/10).  
- Group project on Relativity 
- Study for midterms. 

Somehow I believe I will never finish reading Bronte's book. JUST got passed Vol II and now left with Vol III omg omg (600 pages down! 300 to go D: ) also, I totally deserve the New Media nonsense because I have been procrastinating :( 

Remember how I thought I will be enjoying studying Romanticism under rainy days? HAHA reality cannot be any more different. The haze is making me v.unproductive. 
back to the top

Saturday, September 13, 2014 @ 9/13/2014 10:02:00 PM

Things I am obsessing about:
1. nyfw
2. Scotland possible independence.
3. murakami's colorless
4. Other people problems

Things I should be obsessing about:
1. Exercise
2. Nm assignment
3. 6 page literature essay with no question
4. Myself
back to the top

Wednesday, September 3, 2014 @ 9/03/2014 11:25:00 PM

Just had a stunning tutorial presentation by a student for my Romanticism mod. Super impressed by how he seriously took the time to cross reference sources and got materials to define what is "sonnets". His mini essay includes words like "explicate", "ontological" and "protean" and "polyvalent". WTF right. Talked to him after that and found out that he transferred from NUS Law to do Lit.

Feeling so stressed now to maintain such high standards of presentation for my the subsequent tutorials (mine is on Bronte's 900 page long novel Villette.) So many things to do and I am so lazy. The thing is, I am not even complaining that I am busy because I don't even feel it. Yet.

Thursdays are the worst. Last week Thursday was 9-9 and I'm amazed I live to tell the tale. 6 hours of lectures, 1 hour of tutorial followed by a seminar talk with a Minister from Trade and Industry which I agreed impulsively to cover the event for NES. Ended up making a fool of myself oh wells, at least people and the MP found me funny.

I like to make to-do-list but I never like "to doing" them.

1. Read finish A Portrait of  a Young Man as an Artist. Seriously. It's. Like. The. Last. Few. Pages. Already. Just. Do. It. I am dying because of this book. Mark smartly guessed that I hated it. She called me "traditional" in my taste and I decide to take it as a compliment. While this book is also considered "modernist" in some sense ( modernist =hard to read) I found "lighthouse" hard to read in a good way, but this is just completely repulsive +draining.

2. Catch up on readings. 19th C readings, Einstein's discoveries, NM notes and 20th C's readings of the reading. This is a shitload of readings and I am not even including reading in advance.
3. NM1101E interview assignment due.
4. Churn out MTI article.
5. Churn out content for OCIP website.
6. Prepare crowdfunding content.

Don't feel anything these days except a sense of numbness to "just keep swimming", "just keep swimming". No happiness. No joy. No sadness. No anger. Except a sense of impending doom.
back to the top

Monday, September 1, 2014 @ 9/01/2014 08:36:00 PM

Since the assignment is nearly ending. I think I must really count my lucky stars that I managed to (for the first time in my life of doing project group work) find

1. Not one but THREE hardworking teammates.
2. Not only are they hardworking but they all did their parts EFFICIENTLY.
3. extremely talented people in their own way (me included) and thus able to give valuable inputs that really matches their skills.

Feeling so buoyant now :D this is the dream team of project work. Bad thing is, i dont think I will ever come across such a good combination of people again.
back to the top